Robyn.Bowles.es

I was talking with my mom the other day and came to a realization about myself. I’ve been frustrated with my new teaching “career.” That is truly what it is – a career, a profession; and yet, I don’t want it to be.

Ten years ago I chose Nursing as my career – profession. In so doing I knew that it would require a lot of work and lifetime learning. I was not turned off by that, but intrigued and passionate. I wanted to learn and grow and study and work hard because I felt passionate about it.

Education is an equally important field, but I have very little passion for it. I left the U.S. and my job as a nurse not to pursue a new career, but to do the opposite: to have a break. I left because being a career-driven professional burned me out. I did not come here to pursue a future in teaching. I do not have the gift and the passion for the English language that I do for medicine.

And therein lies the problem. I needed a break from the pressures and stresses of being career-driven. I needed to take time to pursue other passions and gifts; but instead I have fallen into a similarly stressful and pressure-filled occupation, yet without the passion or adequate financial compensation.

I know several TEFL teachers here who do not feel the stress and pressure that I do, and they teach twice the hours I do. Perhaps it is because they also possess the desire to do what they are doing. Several people have suggested that I spend way too much time preparing the lessons; and yet, I must put in the time in order to feel somewhat competent in front of my students. I stress the word “SOMEWHAT;” I never feel totally competent. I know that as in any career, the comfort and competence will come with time. . . but that’s just it. I didn’t leave one life-consuming job to find myself overwhelmed by another one. I’d have to spend months and years of my life gaining experience before I could get to the point where it DOESN’T consume my life.

As I left the office last Wednesday, I looked at my watch and realized I had just spent three hours planning a lesson for a one and a half hour class; and I still wasn’t ready for it. I recall thinking, “I’d rather be cleaning houses than doing this!” And that is true. At this moment in my life, I would rather spend my working time doing something for which I will actually get paid for all the time I put into it, and for which I don’t have to spend several hours preparing. Something that would allow me enough time to invest in my interests.

If I made three times the amount to teach as I make now, then it would be more worth it. Right now I make less than minimum wage.

I am not opposed to hard work. I like hard work. But the compensation of what I am doing now is not worth the stress and frustration that I have to endure. One can work hard without so much stress.

But I will not quit. I made a commitment to my employers and to myself to stick this out until the classes end which will be in June. I will continue to persevere for now and will be thankful for the experience and the insights I am gaining about myself in the process.

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