Robyn.Bowles.es

Journal of Spain
December 12, 2002

The long-awaited day arrived and we finally met with Keith to discuss our move to Spain.
It was beneficial, but not great. We both left feeling a bit let down – like a wet blanket was thrown on the dream that was burning inside of us. I felt my spirit sink, and sigh.

I didn’t realize that I would have to DO and PROVE so much before I could go to Spain and be used and changed by God. I didn’t think that living my faith carried so many prerequisites. Didn’t Rob say that the first “missionary” – just moments before his commission – was a raving, demon-possessed man?

Granted, everything Keith said was practical and logical – but is practicallity and logic necessary to be used by God? Samuel and I both have felt so strongly that this is the right thing for US (not him, not me, but US) to do – we are in agreement and are full of excitement and anticipation and yes, realism that it won’t be easy; but I think we were also very much depending on our faith in the God of the Universe by whom all things are possible!

So, are our hearts and spirits wrong? Are we misinterpreting God’s RATZON for us? I trust that Keith is a Godly, prayful man with a lot of experience in the area of cross-cultural living, would God sooner speak through him than our own hearts and spirits?

That seems to be my crises area. Do I trust that God is speaking through Keith, or in our hearts? And how will I know?

One thing that didn’t seem to have enough influence on the discussion, I think, is the fact that we are NOT intending to go as “missionaries”. That is not our purpose. We want to go for selfish reasons also, but isn’t that okay? Obviously we want to embrace our Creator – by experiencing Him in a new culture, a new language, a new way of living and thinking. And thereby fully expecting that
He will work in us and through us to change US so that we will be more like Him.

And no, one does not need to leave the country to experience all that; but then again, maybe WE do. And even if not . . . WHY NOT?

I think that it is a wonderful thing to want to explore life and God in a totally different way, in totally different people, to see and experience more of His beauty which CANNOT be experienced here in G.R. or even in th U.S.

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