Robyn.Bowles.es

I wrote this on January 22, Josiah’s last night in the hospital.

This experience really made me miss my profession of nursing. Partially because I wished I was in nurses’ position rather than the position I truly found myself in.

Almost every action or lack of action from the staff moved something in me: either a feeling of gratitude, appreciation and comfort for the way Josiah or we were being treated, or a sense of what and how I wish it had been different.

I was reminded of the power one has as a nurse; and that power can be used to do good or to harm. Neither takes extraordinary effort, yet the results of one’s actions can leave an extraordinary impression. I felt a deep desire to again have the opportunity to be able to use that power for good. I don’t think I ever realized how profound an impact one can make as a nurse until I, and then my son, was a patient.

Being treated well was so powerful. We weren’t treated badly that I can recall, but there were many times no special care was taken, and in those cases we felt powerless, frustrated, disappointed, ashamed or sometimes afraid.

Some of the most positively powerful actions I recall are when the Paramedic touched me on the head – though briefly – while I held my terrified, cold and hurting baby. I felt cared for, and I felt safer for a moment knowing that my fear, desperation and sorrow were recognized.

Nurses who treated Josiah tenderly, and smiled at us, looked us in the eyes and introduced themselves were trusted and eased a bit of our pain and fear.

Those with information who shared it willingly were also more trusted and appreciated than those who didn’t. It seemed that only the ICU nurses fell into this category.

Consistency is also comforting. In the eight days of hospitalization we never saw the same doctor two days in a row – how can they truly assess a patient if they see them only once, then pass him/her on to the next doctor on the list?

The nurses were a little more familiar, but also inconsistent. We could see up to five different nurses in one shift, often attempting to repeat the actions of one we had already seen: taking a temperature, asking about Josiah’s input and output (within minutes of each other). Perhaps this is why so many requests were forgotten: did one nurse assume that we’d just ask another and that she could fulfill our request?

At times we also felt scolded. This did nothing to help, and instead only deepened my sense of fear and led to feelings of loneliness and shame.

Those who scowled, scolded, rushed and ran in and out without trying to understand us or make an effort to be understood were avoided and not trusted.

Lack of attention led us to “cheat” and take things into our own hands. Like the night I had asked twice for Acetaminophen to give Josiah at night to ease not only his teething pain but the burn on his chest! I’m still not sure what we were told, but we never did get any.
Thankfully I had my own to give him.

We also brought him his own food (a “no-no”) as our requests for things we knew he’d like often went ignored.

As a nurse and one who used to work in a hospital and office setting, I know that they can’t possibly fulfill all requests with perfect and timely accuracy. But I do think it is possible to look someone in the eye, smile, introduce oneself and practice the simple, powerful, healing action of simple touch.

Fellow nurses, you have been given a gift of healing. You don’t have to treat an illness or injury to do it – you need only to smile, touch and genuinely care for those put in your care.
If and when you or a loved one are the patient, you too will understand the power you have.

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