Robyn.Bowles.es

After nearly two months of absence from writing, I have a BIG announcement to make . . . I am pregnant!!

We were surprised and a bit overwhelmed to learn on November 2 that we’re expecting a baby around July 7, 2005. We found an English-speaking Spanish doctor and had our first visit, including ultrasound, on December 7.

I did start a pregnancy journal in November, snippets of which I am now ready to share (we finally let the family in on our announcement at Christmas). So, here it is!

Surprise! (November 2, 2004)

It’s an unexplainable feeling really ~ am I in one of those funky dreams I tend to have so often?

After a second meeting with YWAM in Madrid, we both agreed that we wanted to pursue doing training with them and join the team here. I left the meeting feeling relieved and ready to finally move forward, but there was one small detail I had to confirm first. I really didn’t think it would be positive ~ I did have some suspicions, but I thought I was probably convincing myself of something that wouldn’t be true. My mind did cartwheels trying to decide whether or not I wanted to see two pink lines instead of just one.

I kept changing the date that I had agreed with myself to do a test. I was going to wait longer, but after today’s meeting I felt the need to know for sure, so I could put it past me and start making plans. Of course, Samuel had no idea that any of this was going on in my head . . .

Before looking at the test I sat in the bathroom and decided that I did and didn’t want it to be positive – tough place to be.

And then I looked. There were two, very pink lines.

I let out a little yell. Samuel probably thought I had hurt myself in the bathroom. He kept asking if I was all right. I think I just said “umm, umm. . .” then I walked in the room with the test behind my back. I think he knew just from the expression on my face.

He said, “You’re not going to tell me what I think you’re going to tell me.” I stretched out the test with a shaky hand.

He decided to be in denial for about an hour. I went to watch TV and went between crying and feeling excited and trying to figure out WHAT ON EARTH ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW!?!?!?

We’re not ready to tell anyone, we’ll probably wait to tell our families until we are actually face to face with them in December. This is going to be hard.

5 weeks 1 day (November 5, 2004)
We’ve known for three days now. We didn’t talk about it at all on Wednesday – except to tell him that I shouldn’t empty the litter box and since we’re in charge of the cats, would he please do it.

It still isn’t real. I think I’ll need more symptoms to believe it. Today I keep having the fear that I will miscarry. I wonder if the average first-time mom feels that way or if it’s just because I’ve cared for so many pregnant women and miscarrying women.

We’ll call YWAM on Monday and tell them the situation and trust that they’ll make a wise decision about what we can do. Right now we’re still hoping to do DTS in February. I look forward to being able to tell somebody, soon.

5 weeks 5 days (November 9, 2004)
I’m feeling slightly crampy this evening – could be gas. Emotionally feeling some downs – not sure why, maybe it’s the lack of routine, not much to keep me focused.

6 weeks 2 days (November 13, 2004)
We told Mike O our news on Wednesday and he responded with great excitement and encouragement (Patricia at YWAM did, too). Later that night we had a video conference with Paul and Manda and showed them the pregnancy test. It was a lot of fun to be able to see their reactions! Manda just screamed and Paul was more like, “what is that?” – yet knowing.

I’ve been feeling a lot more hungry. And the hunger comes on suddenly. I guess I feel a little queezy with the hunger, but it’s not like a motion sickness or gastroenteritis kind of queezy; it’s not so bad.

My OB appointment is scheduled for Dec 7. I’ll be almost 10 weeks and an ultrasound should give a good picture.

6 weeks 5 days (November 16, 2004)
I have a pretty constant feeling like I’m getting over the stomach “flu”. Eating doesn’t really help too much – though it seems like it would. No vomiting or dry heaves or anything. I’ve also been more tired lately. At times I feel exhausted like I could just fall asleep right where I am. But I was awake again last night for awhile with bloating and gas.

8 weeks 1 day, (November 26, 2004)
Well, the icky feelings have set in. Last week Monday at 7 weeks 4 days I really felt crappy. I wasn’t able to do much – just sat around mostly. The painter came to finish the ceiling in the kitchen and I lay on the couch watching “Murder She Wrote.”
Tuesday, though, I was motivated to move. I went to a grocery store that would take a credit card. It required a metro ride and many stairs. The symptoms started getting bad again while I was there – especially when I was anywhere near the fish department. I remember feeling very dizzy and going to the frozen food aisle to get some “cool” air. I had to coach myself every step of the way home, especially as I pulled my overstuffed shopping-bag-on-wheels up and down the endless stairs (Madrid is NOT wheelchair-friendly, disabled-friendly, injured, elderly, pregnant or arms-full-friendly!).
I just about collapsed once I got home and unpacked the stuff for the fridge and freezer. Samuel was away that day, so that’s why I suffered alone.

Thankfully, I felt great on Thanksgiving (well, relatively). I ate way too much, but it was soooo good!

Today I was really craving popcorn, and we needed to go out to celebrate the completion (finally) of a website, so we decided to go to a movie. Unfortunately, none of the theaters took a credit card, and that was all we had at the time. So we came home to a house full of French people eating Isabelle’s “Thanksgiving-themed” dinner; they were also smoking which “the bean” and I like even less now.

8 weeks 5 days (November 30, 2004)
Extreme fatigue has set in now. I spent four hours traveling and volunteering on Monday, and thought I would collapse before I could get home.

Odors have been bothering me a lot lately, too. I have to hold my breath when I go past the fish market in the plaza and the odor in our room makes me want to puke.

When I came home I was hit by the odor of cleaning supplies on one end of the house, and the lingering odor of our bedroom on the other. It was more than I could handle emotionally. I had nowhere to go, so I sat in the bathroom for awhile. Samuel offered to bring a chair in their for me to sit on – I’m not sure if he was being kind, or just annoyed by the gagging sounds I kept making when I came back in the room.

I don’t think he gets this. He says he believes that I’m not making up these symptoms or the extremity of them, but his actions do not suggest that he really understands or sympathizes. He doesn’t realize how lucky we are! I could be like my sister who is 12+ weeks pregnant and has already lost 8 pounds because she can’t keep anything down. I think she lost 15 pounds in the first trimester of her first pregnancy.

Though I dislike these symptoms, I’m not too quick to wish them away because I know they are a sign “the bean” is really in there, and growing. In one week we’ll get to see him/her at our ultrasound appointment. That will be exciting. I hope we’ll be able to hear the heartbeat, too!

10 weeks 2 days December 11, 2004
The worst of the symptoms hit this week. But it was a cool week, too, because we got to see the little “bean!” We had an ultrasound on Tuesday (9 weeks 5 days), which is routine in Spain. We saw a lot of movement and the beating heart! It was truly amazing. We could clearly see its little hands and feet moving and we got three pictures!

I’ve been having a lot of vivid and funky dreams lately. This afternoon while napping I dreamt that my youngest sister walked in on me wrapping some baby toys and after trying hard to hide what I was doing she guessed that I was pregnant. I denied it and felt very upset that she guessed before we could tell them the way we have planned to.

I do hope that I will be able to hide how icky I feel from my family for the week before Christmas. We may just have to find an excuse to give our presents early . . . ?

11 weeks December 16, 2004
We made our first family announcement last night to my mom, dad and Grandma Wallace. I was so nervous! We made calendars of pictures Samuel had taken around Spain to give as Christmas presents; for the month of July we put a scanned picture of our first ultrasound.
We were going to do it before dinner, but Dad was running late and we were hungry. After dinner we gave calendars to Dad and Grandma, with Mom sitting next to Grandma. Samuel narrated the pictures as they flipped through. July, however, didn’t need much explanation!
Dad got it right away and his mouth dropped! Grandma didn’t catch on right away (her generation never saw ultrasounds!) and was a little behind in turning the page. So Dad turned his calendar to show Mom, her jaw dropped, too. They were both very excited and happy for us. I’m happy to have finally been able to tell them, I just hope that I’ll be feeling well enough to hide it for another week before we’re able to tell the rest of the family.

11 weeks 6 days
Announcement number two. We had the “Wallace” family Christmas gathering tonight with my sisters and their families. We opened gifts from Mom and Dad and to one another. We gave out the calendars again. Emma opened it and it just sort of flopped open to July! We got the same jaw dropping reaction – though with three little kids running around and ready to move onto the next gifts to be opened, it wasn’t as much of the attention-getter as it had been with Mom and Dad. But at least I can compare notes with Karyn now (she’s four weeks ahead of me, due in June)!

I’m really looking forward to telling Samuel’s family – especially his mom, I think she’ll be really excited. I’m predicting a few tears . . . we’ll tell them on Christmas.
Symptom-wise, I’ve been really tired, and still bloated.

Christmas (12 weeks 2 days)

Yep, Mom Bowles definitely had the most emotional reaction! Again, we gave out the calendars, Samuel narrated while mom flipped through them. Dad was sitting a few feet away and couldn’t see the pictures. As soon as she turned to July she started laughing and crying and held the picture to her chest. She said she had been a little suspicious because I hadn’t been feeling well and kept falling asleep every time I came over!

My dad also shared his calendar at Christmas in Wisconsin.

15 weeks 5 days January 18, 2005

I’ve been feeling better, less tired, less bloated. My latest obsession is the fact that when I lean back, my lower stomach gets concave. How can it be concave if there is a growing baby and uterus in there pushing up and out all the fat in my belly? I asked Karyn if her stomach did that too, and it did so I feel better (since she’s a month ahead of me and feeling lots of movement). If I lay on my belly on the floor I can feel something in there, so that’s reassuring too.
We were finally able to get an appointment to see a doctor at a clinic tomorrow morning. It will be good to hear the heartbeat! I’ve also been getting mild headaches almost every afternoon or evening for the past two weeks – they feel tension / muscular to me, but it will be good to have a blood pressure check tomorrow.

I had my third “boy” dream last night. No girl dreams yet. And we had given him the same name he had in the first dream . . . hmmm.

« No Comment     17 weeks 2 days »